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tangerwest
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Name: erin
Birthday: 10/19/1982
Gender: Female
Interests: books.. lots of them... and bundles of good music.. and hanging out with my friends.. and talking about everything and nothing..
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please... give me something to ramble about..
Expertise: i'm REALLY good at catching macaroni and cheese on fire... and making a complete moron out of myself infront of strangers!
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in reality, i hold no true expertise in anything.. i fear that i am still too young for that... although i'm gaining ground with several different activities..
Occupation: Student
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  tangerwest
MSN: emryan72@hotmail.com
Member Since:
2/2/2005
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| A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast
i realize this is a cop-out for now... but you'll have to wait til after work and after parties to hear my thoughts on the matter of the new year.
i have hopes... bright shiny fellows that threaten to burst out of their little enclosures, waiting for the time to burst upon the world and brighten the day....
but enough of that for now... for now i must go serve coffee. yay.
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her | | |
| 'm h2o intolerant...
i'm obnoxious...
oh
its been a long day.... the funny thing is, i had an entire blog
already written about the time i've been having, filled with funny
anecdotes, thrilling stories, and so on... however, the computer hates
me and erased it.
oh well.
here's the long of the short of it.
i won't understand people for pretty much as long as i live... i don't
understand this thing that makes them want to destroy each other... i
mean the inner destruction desire is strong enough but honestly why do
they have to take it out on others and destroy them? i mean... va
tech.. and then the nebraska mall... and now the ywam'ers in co... (and
while i was discussing THAT with my sister, she tells me that there was
a little christian church/school taken hostage today by a sniper.
can i help you?
something's wrong with you. you're wasting my time.
i have turned to finding wisdom from nemo.
people?
can't we realize that we're all fucked up? that we all have had
different roads to lead us to where we are now---that we're all going
to go through hard times.... BUT there will be good times too and the
good times will outweigh the bad... the only way to survive it though
is to rely on our friends---the people around us... we can't make it on
our own..
all you need is love...
yeh i know... this is weird---coming from the hermit.
i'm done... for now. | | |
| somehow (actually that's a lie. i know exactly what happened), i tore
my knee open again... i'm not allowed to walk anymore. i've revoked my
own walking priviledges. done. no more. don't ask what i was doing this
time. you'll just shake your head and call me a dumbass. but its true.
i am.
meanwhile back at the ranch... how can life get so complicated and yet
simple all at the same time? i mean, as confused as i am about one area
in which i live, another is clearing itself out and making alittle bit
of actual sense....
i really shouldn't be left alone with myself. odd things erupt.
i am now called gimpy at both my places of employment. it is amusing.
i need to roadtrip. honestly, the road is calling me. this is the worst
time for it though. i mean, the gypsy blood is calling and yet i seem
to be the busyest as my schedule allows. i actually have a whole day
off this week and the first thing i thought was, "great! i can call the
red cross maybe and go in for a few hours..." i think i have a
sickness... but really, i do need to roadtrip. if not now, i'm just
going to start planning a big one for the spring. i'll disappear for
two weeks and no one will know where to find me. i'll give you a hint
though... it'll be someplace warm.. and maybe red... or maybe there'll
be trees... and frozen streams... or maybe mountain tops and... hm...
maybe i'll go west... i want to go west... i think i need to go west...
oh goodness...
so while my knee throbs and my head pounds (i refused to take anything
tonight. i feel as though the self-prescription of stuff is messing
with me and i need to handle the pain and just build my pain tolerance
up again), i think i'll dream of mountains, and wish about deserts...
all my love kids...
its been a long december...and there's reason to believe that maybe this year will be better than the last.... is it wrong to agree with this thought, as its only 3 days into the month already and i'm weary of it? hm... | | |
| my mind's wandering.. i'm SUPPOSED to be sleeping... seeing how i have
to be up at an unearthly time.. but that's retail on holiday
business... truth is, i can't sleep... not in an empty house... i don't
sleep well when i'm all alone, and unfortunately, this house is only
filled with me and the cats... we're not on good terms right now.
that's another story for another day.
last night my cousin
proclaimed he was in need for starbucks. i told him that he'd visited
the right family member. off we went to the nearest one--only to see a
friend* and pick up my coffee craving cousin some caffeine.. (the * is
for this rabbit trail---> so i had a freak out moment the other day.
not really like a FREAK OUT moment, but more a moment that the light
bulb came on in my head, my mouth said "oh" and my eyes grew large with
realization that i was on verge of turning into a freak, if not already
well on my way... this was spawned from the checking my texting--due to
the fact that i text entirely too much and need to start scaling it
down because i don't have the proper phone plan for it--to realize HOW
MUCH i actually text someone... this someone is a new friend--friend of
a friend's but he seems cool enough and interesting enough that i would
like to actually pursue friendship here------yes that makes sense--shut
up. ANYWAYS.. the realization was that i have been texting him entirely
too much for normal sake and verge on the edge of freakishness... the
"OH" moment was the comparison in my head to an acquaintance who all
the guys in our store run away from when she comes in the door. see the
acquaitance is a terribly sweet girl. but the moment you meet her,
she's drawn to you and drawn to telling you everything about her life.
"socially awkward" is not quite the phrase to use because its still
just a bit too forgiving. the acquaintance's
situation/life/psyche/whatever is not the point of this rambling
though.... i was just painting a picture for you. she's a NICE girl.
everyone admits that. she just TRIES too hard to find friends.
everyone's known someone like that. my panic erupted from the
realization of just how close i was to becoming THAT girl.
oh dear.
not me.
please goodness, not me.
and
so i sit on the wayside of life in general... terrified of being
"silly" for the fact of that realization and now i apologize entirely
too much for it.)
and now back to the regularly scheduled program...
my
dog ran away tonight---shot out the door like a bullet. i suspect he
saw a rabbit. i suspect he needed to run. he's never done this before
though, so i panicked alittle as i grabbed my coat and ran after him,
calling his name in the dark in my parent's neighborhood. "NELSON
MANDELA! COME BACK! COOKIES! NELSON COOKIES!" he didn't return. it
wasn't until i was near the end of the street when a few houses ahead
of me, these two girls started screaming and (LITERALLY) jumped on the
hood and then the roof of their car. i found my dog. bad nelson
mandela. no cookies tonight.
i am off to bed. my eyes are
heavy and i can't feel my toes. it might help if i turned on the heat.
maybe a little bit. OR i could just go put on socks. i think the latter
is the better idea. however i still need to sleep. holiday is upon us
and i must be ready to "pass the cheer" .. ha. hrumph. bah humbug. or
something like it. | | |
| i think there's something wrong with me. maybe with my brain. definitely with my brain.
so on top of having a mild migraine for the last couple days, all the crap going on makes my heart hurt. seriously, i hurt. seriously, my head hurts. i was so angry today---enough that it kinda worried me. enough that my nose started bleeding. holy crap that hasn't happened in a long time. like 7 years long time.
ugh. i need to let it go. maybe that'll help my headache go away. not sure what to do about the heart.
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